Parenting mistakes is perhaps one of those topics that we rarely talk about. To be very honest, parenting is rewarding but it is not an easy task. Every action of yours will have a direct effect on your child, be it the love you shower on them or your anger. Most times, parents forget that parenting not only involves disciplining but also understanding and comfort. Your child will always seek comfort and attention first from you and then from others.
The Top 10 Most Common Parenting Mistakes To Avoid
As the saying goes- “as you sow, so you shall reap”, your parenting ways will determine your child’s psychological behavior. We agree that no book can prepare you beforehand to be the perfect parent. No person is perfect and parents are bound to make mistakes. However, sometimes these mistakes can cause your child immense pain which is not at all good for their growing and development.
And as parents, we often forget that the little humans in our life are little, and we tend to treat them as adults at par. There is nothing like perfect parenting, but there are surely some things to steer clear off. Here, we will talk about the top ten parenting mistakes you should be aware of. Apart from that, we will also provide you with the solution for each mistake that parents usually make.
1. Keeping expectations too high
The very first mistake that a parent should never make is keeping unrealistic expectations from their kids. Most parents assume that their kid can do better than others, and hence keep on pressurizing their child for betterment.
It’s okay to encourage your kid to shine and excel in whatever they are doing. But, it is not at all right to put too many expectations in front of them. Such conditions not only affect the mental health but also discourage and de-motivate your kid.
Solution: Understand that every child is different. As a parent, it’s your responsibility to understand the limits of your child and accordingly set your expectations. This way they will never get discouraged when doing something and neither become scared of failing or disappointing you.
2. Letting negativities cloud your judgment
One of the most common parenting mistakes is letting negative thoughts cloud your judgment. When it comes to your child, you will obviously want the best, starting from excellent results to a polite behavior. However, you have to understand not every child has the exact same capabilities. And hence, they might be a late bloomer in one or more aspects.
If you show a negative attitude towards the end results, you will put a lot of pressure on your child’s psychology. Also, with negativity around you, making proper decisions will become hard, and your actions might scare your child.
Solution: Rather than allowing the events instill antagonistic thoughts in your mind about your kid, you should try to be more optimistic. It’s your child and hence you must decide what is good for him and what isn’t. You shouldn’t let others’ perspective affect your parenting.
3. Not being responsive to your kid
Indeed parenting is challenging and sometimes, you get tired, both physically and mentally. So much so that you stop responding to your kid.
For example, at times when your kid fails to understand a particular math problem even after describing the same several times, you will find frustration growing on you. And hence, you will leave that matter and show no response to your kid’s queries.
This will cause depression and anxiety and soon, you will find your kid becoming distant and aloof.
Similarly, sometimes parents turn deaf to their kids’ problems just because they have more pressing matters to handle. This leads to ignorance and forces your child to seek attention from others.
Solution: No matter what the problem is or how much stressed you are, turning deaf or blind to your kid is not a solution. As a parent, it’s your responsibility to comfort your child and give them all your attention.
4. Showing impatience is a common parenting mistake
Another most common mistakes parent make is being impatient with their kid. The development and response speed of all the children are not the same as adults. Some kids will catch on a matter fast while some may be late bloomers. This completely depends on their level of understanding, something that they don’t have any control.
So, if you are being impatient and constantly pushing your child to complete a task or provide the end-results as per expectations, your child will feel a lot of mental pressure, which might cause anxiety and depression.
And if you react in a negative manner due to your less patience, you will plant the seeds of fear in your child’s brain, which will further harm their mental behavior.
Think of it, it is not your child’s problem – your impatience is what you should work upon.
Solution: On account of this, you need to be patient always when it comes to your child. At times it is natural to get frustrated and impatient. But, showing your lack of patience to your kid is not a good idea. So, you need to calm down, and listen to whatever your child has to say to you.
5. Not understanding your kid’s strength and weaknesses
Out of all the major parenting mistakes that one can commit, it is the lack of an understanding attitude and behavior that will affect your kid the most.
Whenever they will face some difficulty, they will come to your first with the problem, hoping that you will hear them out and provide a feasible solution.
When your child is scared, he or she will seek comfort from you, silently hoping that you would somehow understand their fears.
However, if you fail to understand your child’s abnormal behavior or their silent pleas, this will put a negative impression on them, showing that you don’t care about their feelings.
Solution: You might not have supernatural powers to understand everything your kid faces. But, at least, you can understand from where he is coming and then act accordingly. Establishing a high level of understanding with your kid is very essential for every parent.
6. Being harsh for disciplining
As a parent, it’s your duty to discipline your kid. But, that doesn’t mean you can resort to harsh ways for disciplining them and teaching them any aspect. Be it a lesson on their stubbornness or expressing your concerns about their failing grades, being harsh is just not an option.
Harsh ways like yelling, too much scolding in public, or not giving them food will never do any good. Rather, such actions will have a negative effect of your child’s health and soon, they will start fearing you. This will result in their distant behavior and aloofness. They will not come to you with their problems nor seek your comfort.
Solution: It is essential to recover from parenting mistakes, especially if it concerns you yelling or beating your kid out of anger. For this, you need to set limits and explain the rules to your child. Punishments are good but only to a certain extent.
7. Parents cannot love their child conditionally
Parent’s love is always unconditional, never expecting anything in return. From the moment you hear your kid’s heartbeat for the first time, you start loving them with everything you have got.
However, some parents make the mistake of setting conditions in front of your kid for love. It’s like you are placing a candy in front of your child and telling that unless they fulfill the task, the candy won’t be theirs’.
Such conditional love can make your kid feel less important in your eyes. It will blow their self-confidence. Surveys have shown that this kind of parenting causes child trauma and depression which has a prolonged effect on the individual.
Solution: No matter what mistakes they are making, you should never ever put conditions on your love for your kid. If they are making mistakes, make them understand calmly but do not show them that their actions are the reason which forced you not to love them unconditionally.
8. Not establishing a good communication
This one takes the cherry when we are talking about parenting mistakes. Believe it or not, it is imperative for every parent to establish proper communication with your child.
If you are not paying heed to communication, an invisible wall will start growing between you and your kid, and soon they will start hiding matters from you or will feel awkward in initiating a conversation with you. They will feel lonely despite being your presence, and will always retreat back in their shell.
Solution: As a poor communication is one of the major parenting mistakes, you need to ensure that whatever the issue is, you both can talk about it. You have to make your child realize that he can come to you to discuss a matter or express their feelings any time without hesitation.
9. Holding them responsible for every mistake
Children will make mistake and most times, you will have to face the consequences along with them. But that doesn’t mean you will hold them responsible for every blunder. That is again, a huge parenting mistake. And one that needs to be corrected right away.
You too sometimes make mistakes and don’t take the accountability for the same just because there is no one to hold you responsible. When you will start blaming your kid for even the meager errors, they will start doubting you and resentment will grow in their consciousness.
As they grow older, they will start to resent you and hide their life from you.
Solution: Rather than blaming them, you can make them understand the consequences of their actions or mistakes and that they should never repeat it. Mistakes are bound to happen. As a parent, your responsibility will be to show the reality to your child and not put him on trial.
10. Not trying new approaches for parenting
Parenting does not follow the ‘one shoe fits all’ approach. Each parent and each child is unique, and that’s what makes the bond special. Some parents make the mistake of using same old techniques of parenting as their parents did or someone known is doing. That does not work.
I know a stubborn mother and she is using the same old techniques of parenting as her parents. Using a harsh and strict tone every time with your kid or forcing him or her to drink milk are examples that show that you are still relying on failed parenting techniques. This has started to reflect badly on the child and she is now trying to change herself.
Solution: Rather than sticking to the old rules and methodologies, you can look for new approaches which will suit both you and your child. Figure out the best way to get your child to listen, be their friend and yet keep the discipline ruling.
Every kid behaves differently, and hence you need to deal with them patiently. Here we have discussed the major parenting mistakes that can harm your kid, both physically and mentally. We hope that the solutions for common parenting mistakes that we have provided will give you an idea about fixing your actions and establishing a bond full of affection, love, understanding, and comfort with your children.