Are you feeling disconnected with husband after baby? If you do not feel like getting intimate after baby, you are one of the many women who feel like this post birth. Pregnancy and childbirth create a series of changes in a woman’s body. Not being sexually attracted to husband after baby could be due to several underlying reasons. It is important to identify the reasons why you aren’t able to feel sexually attracted to your husband.
Why Does Sexual Attraction Fade After Having A Baby?
After having a baby, couples often find it difficult to reconnect with their spouse. Parenthood can change the way you have sex with your spouse. A woman’s interest in having sex post-birth can take up to 6 months to revive.
Our panel gynaecologist Dr Ankita Patel Tayal says that according to research on postpartum women, about 20 percent of women have little or no desire to have sex three months after giving birth, and another 21 percent have a complete loss of libido or postpartum apathy.
Some of the reasons for lack of intimacy can include hormonal changes, low libido, postpartum depression, etc. According to a pilot study of women’s sexual health, 39% women experienced vaginal dryness and 44% suffered from loss of sexual desire after childbirth.
12 Reasons You Do Not Feel Sexually Attracted to Husband After Baby
Do I hate my husband? Do all new moms hate their husbands after having a baby? These emotions that you are feeling right now may not be related to hate. The transition from a woman to a mother brings in a series of physical and emotional challenges. While you may consider it as hate, you could be overwhelmed with the feeling of fear or anticipation. There are many reasons that could result in a lower sex drive in mothers. Here are 12 reasons you do not feel sexually attracted to husband after baby:
1. A baby brings about lifestyle changes
Parenthood brings in many lifestyle changes in your life. You will find yourself spending most of your time catering to your baby’s needs. The exhaustion of taking care of your baby most of the time will take a toll on you. Add to that the other chores and it becomes a recipe for disaster.
Often the weakness of your surgery will also lower your sex drive. Sleep deprivation may also crush your sexual desires.
According to a study, “Obtaining sufficient sleep is important to the promotion of healthy sexual desire and genital response, as well as the likelihood of engaging in partnered sexual activity.“ And sleep with a baby may seem like a luxury.
However, know that this is temporary and as your baby starts to sleep through the night, you will get some well-deserved rest too.
2. Hormonal imbalances post delivery
During pregnancy, women undergo many hormonal imbalances. These hormonal changes often last after childbirth as well. Hormonal imbalances can also create problems like postpartum depression. Women tend to feel a disconnect with their surrounding environment which could also affect their sex drive.
After birth, your reproductive hormones come crashing down to your menopausing levels. The estrogenic level ofwomen tends to drop which causes vaginal dryness and sexual discomfort.
3. Health issues could make you not feel sexually attracted to husband
If you do not feel sexually attracted to husband after baby, it could be because of some underlying health issue. Non sexual diseases like diabetes, arthritis, cancer, high blood pressure, neurological disorder, etc. can also affect your sex drive.
Many times, prior diseases may begin to trigger different side effects after having a baby. This is because a woman’s body goes through various physical and hormonal changes during pregnancy. If you have such conditions, consult your doctor about the issue. You may ask him to prescribe different medication that could bring back your sex drive after your baby.
4. Dyspareunia
Dyspareunia is a condition that refers to pain during intercourse. While giving birth if you underwent any surgery like an episiotomy or even a caesarean, you may be feeling a lot of pain and discomfort. According to a study, Women who undergo surgeries during birth usually experience more painful sex. 26.2% of women who had vaginal births suffered from painful sex whereas the number was 40.7% for women with caesarean births.
After giving birth, you might be dreading going through a painful intercourse. The fear of having a vaginal tear or opening your wounds might lower your will to have sex again after having a baby. You may choose to use a lubricant to ease the pain during intercourse.
5. Breastfeeding
After childbirth, your body is geared towards providing for your baby. Your hormones prevent your body from having any sexual desires. Breastfeeding will also throw various challenges at you, and is not easy for everyone. The exhaustion, the stress, and the pressure to do it all right can weigh heavily on a new mother.
Related Reading: 6 Things You Will Need For Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding mothers usually tend to experience a lower libido and vaginal dryness. Your desire to have sex is taken over by your body’s instinct to care for and nurture your baby. You may not feel sexually attracted towards your husband after baby due to this.
6. A baby changes your relationship dynamics
You both are no more a couple, but a family of three. The equation in your marriage has changed. You both will be parents first and a couple later. Being a parent often leads to relationship struggles in couples.
New parents tend to drift apart due to the many responsibilities that come with taking care of a baby. With so many responsibilities, sex may be the last thing on your mind. Many a times, seeing your husband drift apart could also make ;women lose interest in sex.
Related Reading: 9 Tips to Cope with A Sexless Marriage After Baby
7. Physical changes in your body
Pregnancy creates many physical changes in a women’s body. While some women tend to get rid of their pregnancy fat easily, it may take some time for other women. You may look at yourself in the mirror and not feel like yourself. The post-baby shape may create a low self-esteem in your mind.
Many women get conscious of their appearance after having a baby. If you tell yourself, I don’t want my husband to touch me after baby, one of the reasons could be low self-esteem. You may be afraid of what your husband might feel about your body. Struggling with such insecurities might lower your desire to have sex after baby.
8. Changes in libido levels
Libido is a term used to refer to sexual desires. After childbirth, women experience a lower libido in comparison to before pregnancy. This occurrence usually begins 4-6 weeks into pregnancy and can last till a year. A lower libido can make you feel less attracted towards your partner. In a study, “ Of first-time mothers, 83% reported experiencing sexual problems three months after delivery.”
9. The use of contraceptives
You may not be wanting to have another baby soon. Although, breastfeeding is believed to act as a contraceptive, it is not a fool-proof method. You may take to contraceptives till you are ready for another child. Using contraceptives after childbirth can reduce your sexual appetite to a great extent. As per astudy on Oral Contraceptives and Libido in Women, 5-10% of the women who were on contraceptives experienced a decrease in sex drive.
Switch to non-hormonal birth control or alternatives with less side effects. This will help in bringing back your lost sex drive and you will feel sexually attracted to your husband again.
10. Emotional Disconnect
After having a baby, you and your spouse may have been significantly engrossed with taking care of your baby. You both may be spending time together but most of your conversations may be related to your baby. You may have forgotten what your relationship was like before you had the baby.
While men may prefer sex as a way to connect with their partner, women may find it difficult to have sex without a connection. Having an emotional disconnect may prevent you from having a physical connection with your partner.
11. Psychological conditions
Your mental state can have an impact on your sex life after a baby. Carrying out day to day chores in addition to taking care of your baby could be a handful. Many a times, transitioning into a mother could lead to a lot of stress and anxiety.
Your mental exertion may wipe out your desire to have sex with your husband. Hormones can also impact your mental state. Internal conflicts, emotional instability, and strong emotions like anger, resentment, frustration, etc. can also lower your sex drive after having a baby.
12. Release of Oxytocin
Oxytocin is a hormone that is released when you have sex, hug or breastfeed your baby. When you embrace your partner, oxytocin is released which helps you bond with your partner. However, when a mother carries her baby or breastfeeds it, the skin to skin contact releases a huge amount of oxytocin.
Women don’t feel the need to bond with their husband because the oxytocin is already released when they bond with their baby.
After giving birth, when can you have sex again?
Dr Ankita Patel Tayal, MD OBGYN, advises all women can have sex again mostly after 4-6 weeks and more importantly when you feel ready (unless your doctor has advised otherwise).
If you had a difficult birth or had stitches after giving birth, your body will need time to recover. Many first-time mothers may experience pain or discomfort during sex, but these symptoms usually improve with time. Using an estrogenic lubricant or cream can make sex more comfortable. Sometimes the discomfort can be caused by muscle spasms or anxiety.
Reconnecting with your spouse at a physical and emotional level may be challenging at first. However, it is important that you keep an open line of communication with your partner. Sharing your feelings with your partner will create emotional intimacy, which will help in rebuilding the foundation of your relationship. You can always seek counselling if you feel that there’s something deeper to your feelings towards your husband.